An Adoption Story

This post is a guest post written by Elizabeth Moss Ohrberg….

I never actually pictured myself as an adoptive parent. It just never occurred to me — I always assumed that when I was ready to have a baby, I could have a baby. Unfortunately, medical science didn’t agree and my husband and I went through about 4 years of infertility treatments before embarking on our adoption journey. 

Sometimes well-meaning friends and family will say things like, “you can just adopt!” And for some, perhaps the decision is that easy. In our case, we weren’t ready learn about the world of adoption right away. Of course everyone’s path is different, but we needed time to process and accept that we would not have our own biological children. 

As we started to consider adoption, we connected with adoptive families, all of whom were open and honest and willing to answer all of our questions…and we had so many questions! But what stuck with us more than anything else were the words of one adoptive mom: you have to decide if you want to be a biological parent, or if you want to be a parent. That is what ultimately led us to adopt our son; we wanted to be parents. We wanted to share our love with a child and raise a family. The biology wasn’t the important part.

There are different options for those who want to adopt; through agencies, through the foster system, or privately. For a variety of reasons, we chose to work with a private adoption counselor. The timeline is actually a bit of a blur, but after about 9 months, we were introduced to A. She was just shy of 8 months pregnant and in a different state. A. had seen our profile, and wanted to meet us, so we connected over a video chat. Shortly after, she chose us to be the parents to her child. About a week later, we flew to meet her and her sister, taking them to lunch and then to her check-up, where we were able to see our son and hear his heartbeat. Although she wasn’t due for about 4 more weeks, she went into labor about a week after our visit, and we were incredibly lucky to make it to the hospital minutes before he was born!

When we began the adoption process, we had to complete a home study with the state. This includes having a room or space for your child, so we had our nursery ready, but we also had to be prepared to travel with all of the things we needed at a moment’s notice! If you are adopting a child from another state, your adoption will have to be approved by both states — this is called the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, or the ICPC. This process can take some time, depending on the states involved, and until it is complete, you may not take the child over state lines. In our case, we ended up in A.’s state for just under 2 weeks before we could bring our son home.

There’s so much more I could share about our adoption story — practical details, the range of emotions, where we are now…but the truth is that everyone’s journey is different. My biggest recommendations to anyone considering adoption would be to explore your options, talk to adoptive families, and be honest with yourself about everything you feel. Adoption is a beautiful, messy rollercoaster, but if I can say one thing with certainty, I know that I have the son I was always meant to have.