Between the Sheets (Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!)
Sometime around the 6 week mark after having your baby (8 weeks for a C-section), you’ll have a check up appointment at your OBGYN or midwife’s office. This is traditionally when you get the “all-clear” to resume having intercourse again.
If that seems like it is too soon for you, that is totally OK. You may have a lot of different emotions about connecting with your partner again in a sexual way, particularly after you have used your body and vagina in a whole new way during birth.
If you’re breastfeeding, you may have a hard time with switching from using your breasts to feed your baby to your breasts being stimulated during sex. You may be feeling a little bit “touched out” and can’t imagine being touched any more than you already are. You may experience vaginal dryness due to postpartum hormone changes. You might even be afraid that sex might be painful, especially if you had a tear during birth that required stitches.
On the other hand, you may not even want to wait to get the ‘all-clear” and you and your partner have sex well before your check up. That’s ok, too, as long as it was a mutual decision between you and your partner and you were feeling physically and emotionally ready.
Whether you are someone who is read y for sex 3 weeks after birth or 3-plus months, there are a a few things you can do to make that first time be more enjoyable. Read on for some of our tips!
1.First and foremost, we all know that sex with a partner really is better when we have an emoitional connection. The initmacy you have with your partner can, and should, first be cultivated outside the bedroom. This might look like chatting over a hot drink while baby is asleep. It might look like checking in to see how your partner is feeling about being a new parent. It may even look like just holding hands and watching a movie together. Many times these emotional connections only serve to strengthen our physical connections.
2. Try little touches first. Hold hands. Cuddle on the couch. Kiss each other throughout the day. Give each other a massage. This might help your body get used to being a sexual entity again.
3. Gather some supplies. It’s probably a good idea to have a towel on hand. You might still be experiencing some lochia or discharge. If you are breastfeeding you might be surprised to find that you leak milk when your nipples are stimulated. It’s also really common to a have a “letdown” of breastmilk when you have an orgasm. You probably want to have some good lube on hand as well. Remember that vaginal dryness we mentioned above? Nobody likes that. Let that lube do its thing (and have a little fun with the application). A little mood music, some massage oil, some fun adult toys, and possibly a glass of wine never hurts either.
4. Take your time. It’s ok to go slow. It’s even OK to stop completely if you aren’t feeling it. If you do want to continue but want to take penetration off the table, it’s totally ok. You can your partner can manually stimulate each other, or, perform oral sex.
Overall, remember to give yourself plenty of grace. Everyone is ready for that post-baby sex adventure at different times. If you need to build things up over a few days or even weeks or months, that’s ok. You’ll know when you’re ready.