Supporting Dads in Labor
Most folks hire labor doulas as a physical and emotional support person for the birthing person. Most labor doulas, however, actively support the father/birthing partner. Read on to find out how labor doulas can support a dad-to-be during all the stages of labor.
In early labor most laboring people labor at home for many hours. Typically most folks do this with the support of their partner. A doula is available typically by text or phone call in these early stages. A doula can help reassure the birth partner that what is going on is a normal part of the process. They can offer him tips to help his partner stay more comfortable and remind him and his partner to make sure they are eating well, staying hydrated, and getting some rest. It’s also helpful to have a doula remind the Dad that they really do not need to whisk their partner off to the hospital or birthing center after the first contraction.
Once in active labor most laboring people and their partner make their way to the hospital. The labor doula often joins them with in-person support. Once the doula is in person they can help elevate the role of the main birthing person by offering suggestions. Sometimes this looks like recommending giving counter pressure in certain places or grabbing some cool washcloths for Dad to place on his partner. Other times it looks like a quiet nod of affirmation that things are progressing normally. Somtimes it looks like encouraging Dad to take a break a grab a meal and some coffee. Or it looks like encouraging Dad to get some rest while the doula supports the laboring person. Sometimes it just means answering questions, in a nonbiased manner, that Dad’s have about potential interventions suggested by the care provider.
Transition is often a shorter stage of labor but it can be a wild ride. That wild ride includes big temperature fluctuations for the birthing person, some uncontrollable shaking, throwing up, burping and passing gas, and some appearance of blood (referred to usually as “bloody show”). The birthing person has so many rapid changes going on that they need intensive emotional support. They may “hit a wall” and say they don’t want to do this anymore. This can be really hard for Dad to see as he may just want his partner to feel better. All these bodily changes may also be scary to a Dad. The labor doula can reassure Dad that all the above is really very normal for this stage of labor and that it means it may be time soon to begin the pushing stage. Oftentimes laboring people do not want their main support person to leave their side. So the doula can grab water, cold washcloths, and provide all the peripheral support.
Once the birthing person is in the pushing stage of labor, the doula can show Dad how to hold his partner’s legs (if she has an epidural OR if she’s just tired from a long labor). The doula can make sure there’s a chair or stool nearby for Dad to sit on between pushes or if he’s feeling a little faint. Doulas can reassure Dad that the pushing stage can take several hours.
Once baby is born the doula can help the birthing person do skin to skin while Dad looks on. Oftentimes, a labor doula will grab a few “first look” pics with the client’s camera or phone. The doula can reassure Dad that baby is OK when they come out and don’t cry right away. Sometimes the birthing person will need to have repair work done and they don’t always feel up to holding baby. So the doula can help the Dad get set up in a chair nearby to do skin to skin care with his new baby. The doula will then turn their support back to the partner and free Dad up to do some bonding with the baby. Occasionally, some women experience a postpartum hemmorrhage. This can be alarming because many staff members are in the room doing different tasks to help stop the bleeding. The doula can help relay information to the Dad so he knows what is happening. Again, he can take comfort in knowing the doula can support his partner while he cares for the baby while all of this may be going on.
In some cases during labor a Cesarean birth may become medically necessary. When this happens the birthing person is typically rolled back to the OR to get prepped. This leaves Dad alone in the room unless he and his partner have a labor doula. The doula will stay with him and talk to him about what he may see and hear in the OR. The doula can help him get his scrubs on over his clothes and remind him to put his camera /phone in his pocket. Mostly, the labor doula is there to give him a lot of emotional support as he is likely concerned about his partner and his baby.
We very often hear from Dads after their baby is born that they are so thankful that they had a doula at the labor and birth. Common sayings are “how do people do this without a doula?” and “we are never not going to have a doula with us during labor”.. Of course, people manage all the time without the support of a doula. After reading all the above, though, why would anyone not want that extra support? Your labor doula will provide continuous emotional support to Dad all throughout labor to help him be the amazing partner you know him to be.