Can I Share Something Vulnerable?

Can I share something vulnerable with you? Can I really? Can I trust you with something that isn’t pretty and nice and easy to talk about? Can I?

Okay, here goes…

When I became a new mom, I had so many moments in the early postpartum period where I felt like I had made a mistake. I worried that I was not cut out to be someone’s mother and that I had made a terrible mistake having a baby. And feeling like that almost crushed me because how could such a perfect, beautiful little baby be a mistake?

But I never told a soul that when I was struggling with all those heavy feelings. To say that out loud was to be vulnerable. And I hated feeling vulnerable.

See, here’s the thing about vulnerability. It is scary to be vulnerable with other people. It takes a certain amount of bravery. And a whole lot of trust. Because to be vulnerable with someone you are trusting that they will hold that vulnerability; that they won’t judge you or shame you for it. You are trusting that this person will be a safe space.

The fear is that by opening yourself up to vulnerability, you are opening yourself up to being attacked. If you are vulnerable with someone else and they judge you or shame you or make you feel terrible for whatever that vulnerability is, then you are wounded. You will pull away from that person, withdraw and become isolated, or build a wall of defense to keep others out. It’s a big risk. No wants to be hurt, so it’s safer to not be vulnerable.

But imagine if you could be vulnerable safely. What would happen if you could share your darkest fears or your biggest insecurities with someone and know that that person would never judge you or shame you? What if you knew that person would be able to just listen to you without judgment and hold space for your feelings? What if they could make you feel seen and heard and could validate everything you were going through? What then?

Then being vulnerable with someone becomes a thing of beauty. It becomes a way to work through the fears and doubts and emotions. It allows you to build a bridge with someone else and feel the safety of that connectedness.

I can only imagine what it would have felt like to say out loud to someone fifteen years ago that I felt like becoming a mom was a mistake and to have that person hold those feelings for me. I can only imagine what it would have felt like to have someone validate those feelings, to assure me that I wasn’t alone in feeling that way, to normalize the postpartum experience that so many new moms go through. To give me grace and also hope. That would have been an amazing feeling.

As a postpartum doula, I recognize how vulnerable this time is in a new parent’s life. I understand and I am able to open myself to that vulnerability in return. I know how to actively listen when someone shares vulnerable feelings and emotions and I never, ever judge them. That is the gift I can bring to every family I support - the gift of vulnerability.