Missing Milestones

One of the hardest things about working outside of the home is sometimes missing your baby’s “firsts”..their first time crawling, first time walking, or their first word. You definitely aren’t alone and I definitely remember how hard it was to miss these events when my kids where little.

I remember when my oldest son was about 11 months old and was cruising along the furniture, a sure sign that his first steps were not too far off in the future. We were lucky enough to have my husband’s parents take care of our baby while we both were away working each day. I’ll never forget coming home from work one day and walking into their living room and seeing my son sporting his very first pair of shoes.

I should’ve been grateful that my mother in law had gone out of her way to buy him his first pair of walking shoes but instead I was upset. I knew it was possible that I would miss his first steps but I thought I would be the one to buy his first pair of shoes. It was one more missed milestone that I didn’t get to have and I grieved that loss for a long time.

As we added to our family we had different people take care of our children over the years from family to in-home daycare providers to preschools. They all were so good about telling me that my kids were getting close to sitting or standing or crawling or walking so I would be on the lookout for these milestones that might happen at home.

I am sure that many of these “firsts” happened while my kids were with their daycare providers-including my inlaws- but all of these wonderful caregivers were so good about letting me think that I was seeing these milestones at home for the first time. When I brought one of my kids to them on a Monday, proudly stating that my little one had done something for the first time..they just smiled and said “That’s great! We knew they were getting close!”. I appreciate that so much.

The guilt we have as mothers who work outside the home can be a heavy burden to bear. We struggle with being fully available for our babies but also being fully invested in our careers. It’s so nice to have these little wins of seeing milestones when we are home with our babies in the evenings or over the weekends and we appreciate those providers who let us have these wins.

Just a little hope for the future….I worked outside the home when all 3 of my kids were babies. I constantly felt guilty for all the things I was missing as they devloped. Now, they are all teenagers ranging from middle school to college. I am the first one they come to when they have a fight with a friend and they let me know who their current crush is. I am the one they come to when they are having a bad day. Even better. I am even the one that they share their fun moments with. My college student even recently shared with me how he went to a party at his school (his first!) and things that happened there. I would have never expected them to have such an open relationshop with me but I love it.

Remember that if you can’t always be there in person, they will absolutely remember how you listened to them after school each day. They will remember how you helped them navigate awkward social situations. They will remember how you advocated for them with a teacher or coach. These are the things that THEY won’t forget and you’ll cherish your authentic relationships with them. I’ll take that anyday over missing a milestone when they were too young to even remember what was going on.