What Are These Scary Thoughts?

A thought like this will stop you dead in your tracks. It will make you freeze - fear, shame, guilt washing over you in cold, dreadful waves. A thought like…what if I dropped my baby down the stairs? A thought like…what if I drove my car off a bridge with my baby in the back seat? A thought like…what if my baby drowned in the bath tub? What are these scary thoughts? And why do so many new moms have them?

Let’s talk about intrusive thoughts.

Yes, these scary thoughts have a name. They are called intrusive thoughts and they are actually quite common in the postpartum period. Some sources believe that up to 70% of postpartum people can have intrusive thoughts. That’s right - if you thought you were alone in experiencing thoughts like this, you are not.

And even more importantly, if you thought that there was something wrong with you for having intrusive thoughts like this, I want to say unequivocally that there is NOT.

In the early postpartum period, thoughts like this manifest a lot more frequently than most people realize. A new mom can be peacefully watching her baby sleep and then an intrusive thought - what if the baby stops breathing??? - steals into her mind. A new parent walking up the stairs, holding their baby close to them, stops mid step - what if they drop the baby down the stairwell??? In the middle of a gentle, calming bath, a mom’s brain flashes scary images - what if the baby slips under the water and drowns???

If you have had thoughts like this and you did not know what they were or that many other people experience them, it probably caused you to feel shame and guilt. It most likely made you question yourself. And I’ll also bet that you felt compelled to hide these thoughts, to never share them with another soul, for fear that they would judge you. Or even worse, try to take your baby from you.

But it’s time to break the stigma around intrusive thoughts.

Like I already said, these kind of thoughts are common and widespread. It is also understood by mental health professionals, especially those well-versed in postpartum mental health issues, that having intrusive thoughts does not mean that someone would act on them. These are just thoughts and are not at all representative of reality. Intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad or unfit mom. In fact, these thoughts can often manifest from the extreme pressure and responsibility we put on ourselves to be perfect mothers.

First, recognize that you are not alone. Intrusive thoughts can keep new parents alone and isolated and that’s not a good thing. Second, if these intrusive thoughts are becoming overwhelming, if they are leading to compulsive and obsessive behaviors, or if they are interfering with your ability to function normally, it’s important that you seek help. Postpartum Support International has a variety of online resources available for anyone struggling with their mental health. Or if you are local, you can reach out to us and we will connect you with some truly amazing local resources.

Really wonderful moms have intrusive thoughts. These scary thoughts do not define you as a parent. And they shouldn’t control you either. Speak out and reach out. And let’s break the stigma surrounding intrusive thoughts.