Supporting Loss

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Unfortunately, there seems to be a stigma and maybe a shroud of secrecy surrounding loss. Everyone deserves support but it seems as though no one knows how to support others through their loss. This is unfortunate as 1 in 4 people experience this kind of loss at least once in their life time. We’ve gathered some ways to show support.

Ways to Support families in an Early Pregnancy loss (1st 13 weeks of pregnancy):

1       Create meal train for family or assign task

2.       Help family organize childcare for older kids in the home

3.       Provide physical and emotional support…sometimes people just need someone to sit by their side while they cry or just sit in silence.

4.       Help family with grocery shopping/housework either by doing or assigning tasks

Ways to Support families in Late Pregnancy Loss (14-20 weeks of pregnancy):

1.       Same supports as early loss but be aware that physical recovery may take longer. Consider arranging help with housework, childcare, and meals for a couple of extra weeks.

Ways to Support a Family Experiencing Stillbirth (baby born after 20 weeks of pregnancy)

1.       Have no judgment or expectation of the reaction of the family. The way people grieve is personal to them.

2.       The family should never feel they have to comfort you.

3.       Use the baby’s name when referring to the baby.

4.       Be present and provide a listening ear.

5.       Provide postpartum support to the family (physical and emotional, arrange meals, connect family to resources, ask family what they would like to do with contents of nursery and offer to pack things up if they want that done right away).

6.       Suggest the family have a weighted teddy bear (same weight as baby) to help with Empty Arms Syndrome.

7.       Check in on the family each day for awhile.

Ways to Support families Experiencing Neonatal Loss (death in the days, weeks, or months after baby is born):

1.       Reach out to family and offer support with housecleaning, meals, and childcare for older children.

2.       Let them know resources available to them if they want them.

3.       Attend funeral or memorial services if appropriate.

Partners and Loss:

1.       Partners can sometimes feel invisible during this time as focus is mostly on the birthing person

2.      Encourage open communication between partners.

3.      Check in specifically on partners when appropriate.

Of course, we encourage any support persons to make sure they are also taking care of themselves both phsyically and emotionally. If you are not in a place where you feel ike you can be a good support person, it’s ok to take a step back. Just be sure to acknowlede the loss in some way. Grief is hard and losing an unborn baby or new baby only amplifies this. We hope that these suggestions help family and friends to better support each other during unimaginable loss.