Older Sibling Tips
Baby number two is on the way! You’ve experienced pregnancy, labor, and postpartum before and this time you don’t have those same new parent jitters. No, this time around the anxiety creeps in when you begin to think about how you are going to parent TWO children?! How are you going to survive the newborn phase with an older child already at home? How could you possibly love another human being as much as you love your firstborn? (Spoiler Alert - you will!) And how in the world is your first baby going to react to the new baby???
These are all super normal concerns. And believe it or not, you will figure out this whole parenting multiple children thing. But to make that transition a little smoother for everyone, we’re bringing you our best tips to help your only child transition to their new role of older sibling.
Prepare Your Older Child For What’s Coming
After you’ve announced the big job promotion to your older child - they’re becoming a big sibling - keep talking about the new baby on the way. Life with a baby is a completely foreign concept for them, so continuously try to prepare them for what’s ahead.
Invest in some age appropriate books that talk about the transition to big brother or big sister and put them into your reading rotation. Talk to your older children about what babies do - they will need to be fed a lot, there will be a lot of diapers to change, and there will definitely be some crying. By having these conversations again and again with your older child, you are helping to prepare them for what is normal. As new baby gear and products come into the house, explain what these things are and how the baby will use them.
And ask your older child questions. Don’t just talk at them about the baby but encourage them to talk with you. Ask if they have questions about babies. Ask them what they are most excited about when it comes to becoming a big sibling. But also ask them if they are worried or scared about that transition too. Encourage them to share ALL of the feelings they are having about the new baby and validate those feelings. Remember, you’re not the only one with some new baby jitters.
Include Your Older Child - If They Want To
Depending on your older child’s age, there are lots of ways for them to feel included when it comes to caring for this new baby. But remember, it’s also okay if the big sibling does NOT want to be included. Don’t force them to play the role of “helper.” Instead, gently encourage ways for them to be involved and praise them when they do. But also recognize and respect when they do not.
There are several ways they can help with taking care of the new baby. Older siblings can bring parents a clean diaper when it’s time for diaper changes, they can find a lost pacifier or go grab a clean one, they can bring Mom or Dad a fresh burp cloth at feeding times, or pick out a new outfit for the baby when it’s time to get dressed. The older your first child is, the more things they can help with. Always remember to praise and thank them for their helpfulness and also point out how appreciative the baby is of their help as well.
If they’re into it, your older child can also provide entertainment to the new baby. If you are busy preparing a bottle or making dinner, encourage big brother or big sister to sing to the baby, dance for the baby, show the baby their favorite book or favorite toy. This might not be something your child wants to do and that’s perfectly okay. But if they like to ham it up, they might enjoy entertaining their baby brother or sister. Be sure to point out how much the baby enjoys it too.
Remain Consistent
Your older child’s consistent routine brings them a sense of safety and stability, so try to keep that in place as best as you can after the new baby arrives. If they go to preschool or daycare, continue to send them even when you’re home on parental leave. Keep their dinner time and bedtime routines as much the same as possible. This might mean enlisting the help of grandparents or even a postpartum doula in those very early weeks, but whatever you can do to keep life running as normal for them will ease this big transition.
And if you anticipate changes will have to happen to the routine - maybe mom won’t be able to do bathtime anymore with a newborn - try to make those changes well before the baby comes home. If big changes need to happen, work on doing those at a time where they will not associate them with the new baby. This same advice goes for any items - cribs, highchairs, etc. - that will be transitioned over to the new baby. Help your older child move away from these things on a timeframe that won’t make them feel like they were snatched away for the little brother or sister.
Remind Them That Your Love is Unconditional
This one seems like a no-brainer but it’s the most important one of all. While you absolutely know it in your heart, your older child still needs to hear you say that no matter what, they will always be your special baby and your love for them is unconditional. Welcoming a new member of the family is not always easy for older children - it can feel like their needs take a back seat to the demands of their newborn sibling. They might see the level of attention and care that a newborn needs and think this means they are not as important. They might begin to feel like the baby always comes first.
One way to remind them that they are still important and that their needs matter, is to say out loud: “Baby, you will have to wait. I am helping your brother/sister right now and they need me.” Of course, your newborn has no idea what you’re saying, but what matters is that your older child hears you say that their needs come first in this moment.
You can also make time for some special one-on-one interactions with your older child. Again, this is a good place to enlist grandparents, friends, or a postpartum doula to watch the baby, so you can devote 100% of your attention to a special outing, a one-on-one dinner at their favorite place, or just being the only one to pick them up from school.