Mother's Day Disappointment

My first Mother’s Day as a new mom was truly awful. Truly. It’s definitely a story, so buckle up. And if this day brings with it feelings of disappointment, anger, resentment, sorrow…I get it. I really do. We don’t say this enough but -

It’s okay to be disappointed on Mother’s Day.

For me, my very first Mother’s Day as a new mom was a day filled with so much sadness. My firstborn was only 8 weeks old. I was still very much in the throes of early postpartum - little, to no, sleep; breastfeeding struggles; out of control hormones; trying to figure out if I was even cut out for the whole motherhood thing. Eight weeks postpartum is no joke.

So here comes Mother’s Day and in my mind I built this day up to be a GOOD day. I deserved a good day. All around me, social media and society convinced me that Mother’s Day was a big deal and after all I had gone through to become a mother, I was going to get all I could out of this day.

And then on Mother’s Day morning I woke up and my beloved cat, Ping, was dead.

He wasn’t that old, but he was admittedly a chunky boy, and his heart just gave out. And my heart broke. That was my furry baby. As my pregnant belly got bigger and bigger, there was less and less room for Ping, but he still managed to find a spot on my lap. But once we brought home a colicky, high needs new baby, there was also less and less time for Ping. And less and less patience for a pet. I had no idea I only had 8 weeks left with him when we brought our new baby home. If I’d known I would have made more time for him, given him more chin scratches, let him up on the bed more. Or at least that’s what I told myself as the guilt overtook me.

My cat was dead and Mother’s Day officially sucked.

That realization brought more guilt. Wasn’t this day supposed to be special? Magical? Wasn’t I supposed to love every minute of it? (Kind of the same way we make new moms feel guilty for not loving every minute of motherhood, right?) But I couldn’t enjoy it. I just wanted to stay on the couch and cry all day, in between trying to feed and soothe a fussy baby.

And you know what? That was okay. Because Mother’s Day is hard for some people. For some people it brings ache and longing to be a mother. For others, it’s a reminder that their own mother is gone or that the relationship they have with their mother is complicated. For some people it’s a disappointing reminder that they don’t feel celebrated, appreciated, or loved the way they want.

If this is you, I see you. And I get it.